(Source: ampervadasz, via dopenmind)
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[source]
FREE HIM
HE CAME BACK
Everything about this is so fucking funny. The song. The chubby dances. The way he just gets fucking KIDNAPPED. The presentation of the guy in the white shirt in the picture when he returns. This is my favorite post.
(Source: twitter.com, via dopenmind)
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Way too long rant about losing/gaining weight
Read if you like, but a long post warning because it’s more like a journal entry about shit that I need to get off my chest once in a while.
I fixed my scale yesterday, because my housemate needed to weigh his bag for a trip. Turns out my weight is as high as ever (yesterday with clothes 79 kg = 174 lbs, today without 77 kg = 170 lbs), so that really fucked me up. It means I am overweight and thus also have an increased risk of heart and artery diseases (I also smoke, use birthcontrole, and heart disease is familiar, so I think I have every single risk factor there is to heart disease).
I feel like such a hypocrite with my body positivity, self love and all that shit that I can’t seem to work up myself. I have been struggling with my self image for about twelve years now and will probably never be satisfied.
I always tried accepting my body, but after so many years I finally started to diet because the self loathing wouldn’t end no matter how hard I tried to love my body. The sad thing is that dieting actually helped, I lost some weight and people were giving me compliments about how much better I looked (even my parents) –> a whole lotta positive reinforcement. But I was happier regardless of others, I felt like for the first time in my life I was in control, even if just a little, of that battle. But the balance between eating healthy and eating junk food crap is hard to maintain. Dieting didn’t just make me happy, it also made me miserable and obsessive about all the food I couldn’t (or shouldn’t tbh) eat and I was tired and hungry all day long (like literally waking up till going to sleep). When you have to study a lot, you really need your energy or you’ll fuck up that as well.So after a year or whatever that strict regime didn’t last and I tried to find that balance I was talking about. Doesn’t work so much for me. Even though in my own eyes, I really don’t eat thát much (I know I eat more than other girls I know, but still…) I just gain weight if I eat the way I would eat when I’m not actively trying to restrict myself. And now I’m as fat as I used to be and it just makes me want to cry so much. I think I’m trying to eat better for two years now and it doesn’t matter. It literally doesn’t matter what I do, because in the long run, my weight doesn’t change or even gets worse.
The worst thing to me is that even when you try so so hard, you just keep losing (and not losing weight, that is). I really want to be one of those girls who is just proud of how she looks, but I sadly admit that I at least want a normal weight to be proud. I’m not saying I won’t try to accept myself the way I am, I’m just saying that after trying to do just that for more than half my life, I think I can certainly say that there will always be a little sting in my head that I’m overweight.
I will always be ashamed to think and admit to others that I too want to be that pretty girl, not the girl from the magazines, but that girl that just has this energy. I know being good looking also has its downsides, but I just want to look good in my own eyes. I can be confident, but half the time I feel like I’m lying to myself.
I just get so tired, because the only thing that ever made me lose weight was restrictive dieting and it wears me out so bad and even still I never got below 70 kg (154 lbs) and I gained weight even when I was trying so hard I cried a few times a week about it.
Why does everything have to be such a fucking struggle. I don’t mind a struggle, but it would be nice to finally get something out of that struggle.To struggle to reach a healthy weight the healthy way and finally reaching that point with a lot of hard work, instead of working hard and never reach that healthy weight. To struggle to be happy and finally be happy, instead of always feeling unhappy and at times there are like five seconds where you actively need to tell yourself “this is a nice moment”.
A lot of the time I feel like life is nothing more than a long chain of struggles, where you never find peace but just keep struggling until you die. And that shit makes me so tired I feel like not trying at all.
Update 2018:
Even though this post was Very long and sad, I think it is important to share the bad times as much as the good times. That’s how life is, and the struggle is real. It’s not just happy photo’s on Facebook about how great your trip to Asia-or-wherever-TM was. Sometimes it’s a big pile of horse shit and nervous breakdowns.
Hoever, I have currently been counting calories (again) for over a month now, and am almost back to the starting point that I was talking about in the above post. Now, I am proud of that weight, even though my goal weight is way less. Because I have worked my ass off and so far lost about 6/7 lbs, and I have not weighed under 176 lbs for a long while. But today was the day, motherfuckers, and it was a good day because of it.
With everything going to shit, weightloss is something that helps me stay positive because at least I am working on improving myself in a healthy way.
No matter the struggle, always keep going for what you want and fight for your mental and physical health!
And if you feel like you need help, go get it! Do what you gotta do to get through 🙌
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(Source: catchymemes, via frieslmao)
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These 3 always go to bed like this. (via sirmakoto)
My heart
(Source: thenatsdorf, via dopenmind)
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(Source: skull-heads, via charmammyy)
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“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”
— Abigail Van Buren
(Source: purplebuddhaquotes, via charmammyy)
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(Source: softjoy, via perra-sarcasticaaa123)
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